the benefits to my sole pursuit

My favorite poem will continue to be my favorite for many years to come. The realization of the layers of meanings it has resurfaced over the weekend, and now I'm slightly more emotional than ever before. So excuse me if you see tears, they are tears of joy.

i carry your heart with me by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

While I never considered the most obvious perspective this holds, I find that this realization still gives me the peace of mind I have been longing for. And when you find something like that, something that makes you change for the better, you just hold onto it and never let go.

Becoming more like who I want to be in the future is my sole pursuit right now, and finding someone who doesn't mind tagging along for the ride right now? It's just a wonderful benefit. While this isn't the first time that I have felt like a complete whole person...I'm starting to hope it's my last. While that fact may break a few hearts, I hope to God that those hearts heal and find their own benefits in life. After all, everyone does deserve their happily ever after moment.

As for the changing for the better, I'm starting to really get a handle on this taking care of my own happiness and not caring what other people have to say about it. While I say that I have never cared what people thought, those closest to me know the truth. That those thoughts are ALWAYS on my mind. So while I may retrograde back into this mayhem once in a while, but I'm making a solid effort (with a little help), to try and make this change permanent.